Bloggers Challenge #4 Reflection of me

1. Describe in 25 words or less (why is it always 25 words) the you that you were before 12wbt.
Easy to say now, but I was lost. I knew the facts of losing weight, of setting goals, and how to go about them. I just didn't think I deserved to get there.

2. Now - who are you now??
Darn straight, don't mess with me, I know what I'm doing, and how I'm going to get there. And along the way, I will find new challenges and get over them without being kicked sideways.

3. What has the hardest been the hardest thing to make habit THIS ROUND?
Consistency, and telling myself that I'm not fat anymore. I'm doing this. I have changed.

4. What has been easier to make habit than you thought it would be?
Ditching the artificial sweetners and processed crap food. Why didn't I do this a long, long time ago!

5. How has your body changed THIS ROUND?
I can feel my muscles, so either less fat, or just better muscle tone.

6. How has your mindset changed this round?
I've realised that I can do this, it's only me who's my worst enemy. And that's a pathetic excuse if I can't get around that one.

7. Finish this sentence "I now know I am strong because ..." I won't take shit from anyone.

8. Finish this sentence "I am proudest of ...." willingness to give up the control of food.

9. Finish this sentence "In 8 more weeks you will see me ...." in Sydney, in a short dress!

10. What word applies to you now - that you never would have used before 12wbt? Healthy. (well I would have used it, but seriously underestimated what it really meant).

Bloggers Challenge #3 - Find the Joy

My sources of JOY:

• Snow Patrols (or was it Reindeer Section?) song 'You are My Joy' comes straight to mind. I love this song, and it really does bring me joy.
• A big well deserved, un-interupted sleep-in (and unfortunately this usually happens on a Saturday).
• A warm bed on a cold night.
• The warmth of sunshine on a cool day.
• A breeze of fesh air on a hot stinky summers night.
• The giggle of a baby without a care in the world.
• People watching whilst sipping a good coffee.
• Losing myself in a good novel.
• The smell of a new born baby.
• The smile on my dogs faces first thing in the morning, and when I get home from work.
• The feeling of my efforts being appreciated.
• Falling asleep quickly, knowing that I've had a productive day.

Pictures can say a million words ... and a million emotions

So it would seem I've been very good at avoiding the camera for the last year! Week 5's surprise task was to make a montage of my journey thus far. So here it is ...

Commit to conqeur update (week 4) ... fessing up

2). I commit to being binge free for the 12 weeks of Round 3, 2011. If I do lose my mind and go down the binge-cycle path I will make a donation $50 to World Visions Smiles Program :-) that's a piglet. So fitting! One sow can produce up to 20 babies per year, as well as plenty of natural fertiliser for food gardens. World Vision's Smiles Program: $50 Piglet

• Fail! I'll be holding myself to my word and donating $50 (next pay). Unfortuantely hormones got the better of me before I realised what was going on. God darn it when will I learn!

Week 4 update on my goals

My actions and mindset goals:

1. Be true to myself and fellow 12WBT'ers. No cheating.
• 2 fails so far, but definately an improvement.
2. Eat clean and where there's an option choose organic local produce. Next to no processed foods, especially diet foods full of artificial crap.
• Passing with flying colours. I've really cut back on processed foods (just the occasional BodyWise bar, vita-weat 9 grains, and a little chocolate on Saturdays, oh and a couple of chocolate paddle-pops). Raw fruit and veg, and yoghurt are now my normal snacks. To date 0 Pepsi-max, 0 artifically sweetened anything!
3. Exercise, exercise, exercise. This is the fun and easy part!
• Pass! Yep, easy. Had a week 'off' whilst away from work but worked long physically active days outdoors (and managed to loose weight that week). This week (Monday's public holiday) I missed my first Bootcamp session that wasnt explained by being away or sick. I bloody well slept through my alarm.
4. Continue to exercise when I'm busy, overworked, tired and grumpy. No excuses, work does not come first.
• Pass! So far so good.

My measurable goals:

1. Drop 4 kgs during the 12 weeks, getting me nicely within the healthy BMI weight range.
• 2.2 kg to go as of Wednesday Week 4. So far I've been up and down like a yoyo - a few hundred on, a few hundred off.
2. Loose centimetres off those thighs and hips. Tone up and get those muscles showing.
• I'll do the measurements by the end of this week. I haven't really noticed much change ... except for my boobs. Yes that's right, my 12 b-cups are now a bit too saggy. Bloody well hope 10b is the answer (grr if it means an a, holy shit!)
3. Improve fitness tests. 12WBT: all advanced category and at least 1 minute off the 1 km run by the end of the round. Bootcamp benchmarks: 1 minute off benchmark 1, and 30 seconds off benchmark 2. Cobbler Creek trail run: 5 minutes off (without the dogs).
• On track. The Bootcamp benchmarks are going to be difficult though as I'm not able to do it in November (will be away too much), which only leaves for a big improvement come December.
4. Smash the skipping rope challenge (1000+ skips per week, increasing over the weeks, and challenging the skill level required).
• Fail. Have some serious catching up to do.
5. Complete the 12 km of City to Bay running as much of it as I can.
• Smashed it. 67 minutes. Ran most of the way except 4 of 5 brief walking periods to blow my nose (I had a cold, poor me) and re-organise my tissue supply etc. I was really happy with my time, and how I felt, if only I pushed harder!!! Definately wasn't sore or too buggered after, and now I'm just disappointed the re-match (yes, with myself) is another year away.
6. At least four 1000+ calorie Super Saturday Sessions! Acknowledging there are supposed to be 12.
• Haven't cracked it yet. Last Saturdays (week 3) 8 km run around the Torrens was the closest with a bit over 700 cals.
7. Complete some long-distance (20+ km) walks. This will be a good lead up to next years goals!
• Not yet, but the 18 km Trailblazer is this coming Saturday.
8. Finish the Westpac building stair-run.
• Next (week 5) Friday! And I'm not feeling at all prepared.

Bloggers Challenge #2 What is health?

So the question for discussion is 'What is health?'

I've never thought about my own definition of health before. So here's what it isn't. To me 'health' doesn't drum up pictures of fit, strong, lean people at all. This seems a bit odd at first, but on second thoughts, it does seem completely okay.  

For me being healthy is having your body function as it should (without any stress brought on by excessive body fat), organs that do their job properly and effectively, skin that's clear, hair that's shiny, and eyes that are clear and bright. On top of this is the ability of the body to fend off cold's, the flu, tummy bugs, infections and the like. And in most circumstances you can get all this from a good balanced diet packed full of essential nutrients your body needs, and enough rest.

Having your head in the right space is also a factor of being healthy, and vice versa. Can you have your head in the right space if the rest of your body isn't healthy? But I'm hoping that will be another topic for discussion.

I'll also add ... you can still have a butt and be 'healthy'! You dont have to have the resting heart rate of a marathon runner to be healthy, you don't have to have low body fat to be healthy, and you certainly don't have to have the guns of a weight lifter (or someone doing 12WBT Lean and Strong!) to be considered healthy.

If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything.

Commit to Conquer promise

Following the Commit to Conquer Promise (see From F**ked to Fab)

My Commit to Conquer Promise: 

1). I commit to being (sweet) biscuit free for the 12 weeks of Round 3, 2011. If I do weaken and go back on my word I will make a donation of $10 for every biscuit I scoff to World Vision's Smiles Program :-) that's a chicken and chicken feed to help a family produce nutritious eggs, manure for vegie gardens and offspring to sell for extra income. World Vision's Smiles Program: $10 Chicken and feed. 

2). I commit to being binge free for the 12 weeks of Round 3, 2011. If I do lose my mind and go down the binge-cycle path I will make a donation $50 to World Visions Smiles Program :-) that's a piglet. So fitting! One sow can produce up to 20 babies per year, as well as plenty of natural fertiliser for food gardens. World Vision's Smiles Program: $50 Piglet

Bloggers Challenge #1

1). Describe yourself in 25 words or less. You can get straight to the point - or bring your creativity into play.
33 year old no longer happy just to wait for things to happen.

2). What brings you to 12wbt? Getting fitter? Losing weight? (Gaining weight??) Are you first timer, a repeat offender??
Losing a bit of weight via a healthy lifestyle, my fitness being challenged, and the lovely friendships and support by all involved. I'm a second timer (round 2, 2011 was my first), and already looking forward to 2012!

3). Why do you blog??
The accountability. I'm the kind of person who needs to write things down to make them real.

4). Who is your biggest inspiration in life and why (doesn't have to be weight loss).
My Mum, because she's no longer here to make the most of her's.

5). What things in life bring you the most joy?
Fun and laughter with friends and family. The simple things really. Sunshine on a winters day, good coffee, great days that never seem to end, productive days when important things get done, getting out in nature and being away from the hustle and bustle.

6). What do you think your greatest challenge is going to be this round?
Being away from a normal routine. I'll be away for work on 4 or 5 occasions lasting 7 - 12 days, and including mine camps with copious buffets tempting me at the end of a long 12 hour day of physical work.

7). What are you most excited about 12wbt?
Reaching my goals and knowing I gave it my absolute best. Party time.

8). And what scares the pants off you?
Failing and not ful-filling my goals because I didn't give it my best.

9). Tell me - right now - today - how do you feel about exercise in no more than 10 words.
Couldn't get through the day without it.

10). Complete this sentence - in 12 weeks time - on the last day of 12wbt I am going to be feeling accomplished and well and truly on the path to a healthy lifestyle.

Week 1, Day 1

Well we've started. Day 1 started okay, up at 4:40am for Bootcamp, ate clean, and crashed and burnt around 5 pm with a cold. Bloody fantastic! However, calories were under, and exercise was just under the 500 goal. Now to concentrate on getting better quickly.

What I need to remind myself so I can succeed and make this an enjoyable experience

1. I am my biggest enemy, judge and jury, and really need to take it more easy on myself.
2. I go a little mental in the head if I don't eat often enough (repeat things over and over in my head, tense, agitated, swear like a sailor). Plan to eat small meals more often, but don't graze all day.
3. If I feel like I'm being deprived of something, I'll become totally focused on it. Learn that deprivation isn't a bad thing, and it's not because I'm not allowed to be in control of my own decisions, just that I can't portion control some things, and it's best just to avoid them altogether!
4. Trust the program. Make these 12 weeks easier by giving up the control, it's not loosing control, it's just leaving it in someone else's hands. Don't be so fricken independent.

Reminders from Emazon

Who and what is Emazon? Good question and funnily enough, she can't answer that either. She is the red-headed feisty chick from the first Australian season of The Biggest Loser. Ring any bells? She put contestants in a cage, and stirred them on to fight! Anyway, around 20 Adelaide 12WBTers attended the 'Stand Your Ground' workshop one fine Saturday morning in early August, just before round 2 was due to come to an end. Having no idea what to expect, I rocked up, alone and wondering what the hell I was in for. On the flip side, I was also totally excited to see face to face some of my fellow 12WBTers I'd only interacted with through Facebook.

Emazon got us straight into it. This now blonde, fiesty yet calm, Italian, ultra slim, toned, muscley and someone you knew not to mess with lady, got us thinking, punching, elbowing, reminiscing, until both our bodies and our brains hurt. I think it's fair to say many of the participants got emotional for one reason or another. Emazon stirred us to think about what's happened in our past, who's interfered with our plan in life, I guess in a way, what's gone wrong, why haven't we stood our ground? For me, lots of memories of a special someone who's no longer here, and someone I probably still haven't grieved for properly even though it's been nearly five years. Yep, awesome, 15 minutes into the workshop and I've already got a lump in my throat, on the verge of tears, and sitting right next to my Bootcamp instructor (he's seen me cry plenty of times though!).
 
Lessons learnt, and as Emazon put's it, reminders (and I am recollecting this a few weeks later, so I guess these are the important points that have stuck):

• I know how to defend myself, it's in me already.
• No one I don't want in my personal space should be there. Get out of my face!
• I can choose who's in my life, if there's anyone here who's going to sabbotage me, I can remove them (from my life that is).
• Feather, rock, truck. Feathers being the subtle, gentle hints that somethings going astray. The rocks hit a bit harder, but you still might not get the point. Then the truck hits, and there's no avoiding what's going on. Guess the point is to be so in-tune with your mind, your body, your relationships, to be able to notice the feathers and see what's going on before the truck hits.
• The art of yes and no. For every yes, there's always an equal and opposite no, and vice versa. This one was explained best in dieters terms. Ask yourself 'do I want to eat this?' Is it in line with my goals, who I am, and where I want to be? If you decide to eat that donut, then then your saying no to your weight loss goals. But this question can be asked in so many different ways. Another example direct from Emazon's blog is Saying YES to a day of shopping, cooking and packaging says NO to a week of last minute 'on the run' fuel choices where i may or may not be able to govern its contents. I don't want someone else making my food choices for me. Nice one.
• Heart rate monitors off. Your body doesn't work in numbers, it doesn't know the calories are ticking over, it just know's it's getting fitter, it's getting easier to exercise, and your heart, amongst other things, is getting stronger.
• Try defending yourself with your eyes shut. You can do it. You can feel it. So now try training with your eyes shut. Feel your body.
• Rules are meant to be broken. Thats why a lot of 'diets' don't work. Don't tell someone they can't have it, because that is the one thing they will want, focus on, and waste all their energy thinking about.
• Emazon recommended the doco Food Inc. Of course I went out and brought the dvd that afternoon and watched it. Terrifyingly in your face consumerisim, mass food production on a monstrous scale, treating animals just like any other mass produced product and processing them just like any other manufacturing production line, shocking animal treament, and that's just to summarise. Think cows standing udder deep in their own shit shoulder to shoulder eating mass produced corn, far from a lovely green pasture in the sunshine. Same goes with the chickens in a shed with no light, nothing natural in fact, so pumped full of hormones their own skeleton cannot support their super-sized breasts and drumsticks. And it's just not the animals. Corn, sugar, and soy being genetically modified to produce massive quantities, grow during all seasons, under all sorts of conditions, far from nature. And then to top it off - being genetically modified, and patented by certain companies (i.e. Monsanto) so farmers can't even keep their own seed stock for next year. Go organic. Choose local. Just avoid processed foods for fuck sake.

So what am I here for?

My actions and mindset goals:

1. Be true to myself and fellow 12WBT'ers. No cheating.
2. Eat clean and where there's an option choose organic local produce. Next to no processed foods, especially diet foods full of artificial crap.
3. Exercise, exercise, exercise. This is the fun and easy part!
4. Continue to exercise when I'm busy, overworked, tired and grumpy. No excuses, work does not come first.

My measurable goals:

1. Drop 4 kgs during the 12 weeks, getting me nicely within the healthy BMI weight range.
2. Loose centimetres off those thighs and hips. Tone up and get those muscles showing.
3. Improve fitness tests. 12WBT: all advanced category and at least 1 minute off the 1 km run by the end of the round. Bootcamp benchmarks: 1 minute off benchmark 1, and 30 seconds off benchmark 2. Cobbler Creek trail run: 5 minutes off (without the dogs).
4. Smash the skipping rope challenge (1000+ skips per week, increasing over the weeks, and challenging the skill level required).
5. Complete the 12 km of City to Bay running as much of it as I can.
6. At least four 1000+ calorie Super Saturday Sessions! Acknowledging there are supposed to be 12.
7. Complete some long-distance (20+ km) walks. This will be a good lead up to next years goals!
8. Finish the Westpac building stair-run.

Getting real

Being truthful - so how do I manage to talk myself into screwing up? Well, apparently I'm not that fat, I can eat what I want because I burn it off. Yep, occasionally my head is actually pretty honest with myself. But, every now and then it all turns to shit. You weren't allowed to have that, you've screwed it all up now, you've ruined your day, your week, your so going to put on weight come the next time your get on the scales. Your right, I have stuffed up. Well I'm here now, might as well enjoy it. Oh shit. What have I done. Must get rid of this. Yep, scoff some more, and more, because the more in the belly, the easier it is to bring it all up again, and the better the chances of bringing it all up, not leaving anything behind.

Crazy thoughts hey. The brain truly is a piece of work. Never again. Enough said.

And now for my excuses.

Excuse number 1 - you don't have to exercise today. Nope can't say this one pops up too often. Bootcamp 3 times a week (at 6 am no less). Gym classes a couple of times. Personal training session. And when I get the time a walk and even the occasional run. Like I said, no lack of exercise here. If I say no, it's usually because I'm forcing myself to have a rest day, not because I'm being a slacker.

Excuse number 2 - your not really that over weight, you can eat it. Well no, you want to loose weight don't you? There are better options, go find them.

Excuse number 3 - you can't burn the 1000+ calories your supposed to for a Super Saturday Session, and therefore worthy of Saturday nights 'treat meal'. That would take hours of cardio! Yes, so what, what else have you got to do. My resting heart rate is around 42 bpm. If I run flat chat (sprinting as fast as I can), it can reach 170ish, but I can only sustain this for ten or so minutes. A cardio-based Bootcamp session can get me up to 600 in 1 hour 15 minutes (hooyah), but most sessions are 400-520 depending on how much cardio we do. At the gym a Body Combat class will be lucky to get me to 400, and is more like 350, and a Step class, yes well, that's 350 on a good day and often much less and leaving me thinking that I should of got on the treadmill instead. Clearly not a cardio class, but Pump can often be less than 250! So, like I said, unless I can do heavy cardio for 2.5 hours or more, 1000 is a pretty hard task, and clearly my usual Step and Pump saturday morning combo is going to be well short. So ... lets add that to my goals. At least four 1000+ calorie SSS. Awesome, I do love a challenge.

And so it begins

A blog hey. Guess that means I'm ready to write, but write what exactly? Two weeks ago I brought a beautiful leather diary, it's still sitting on the kitchen table un-opened. My plan was to hand write a journal, an un-edited, un-polished, just pour out your emotions, thoughts, and internal screams onto paper, and keep it locked away for no one to see. Well obviously, I changed my mind.

This blog is supposed to be about just 3+12 weeks of my life. Doesn't sound like much, but it is, it will become a very important part of my life. I've committed to completing a nutrition, fitness and mindset transformation, trade-marked as Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation, or 12WBT. Yep, in 3+12 weeks time, I'll be transformed. Transformed from what you might ask? Well someone so totally obsessed with eating 'right from wrong' (yes, both extremes), exercising til I drop, and over analysing what I eat and how I choose to spend those calories of built up energy.

My goals for the 12 weeks (yes, that's an official task of the 3 weeks of pre-season), are still in the making. So far my thoughts are centred around eating healthy, nutritious, clean, pure, foods, and when possible sticking to the daily calorie limit of 1200. To write in the negative voice, this means not obsessing over food, no binge-eating cycles, and not beating myself up when I do stray from the rules. I really want to move on from so-called diet foods that are jam-packed with artifical sweetners, flavours and all the other bad stuff I'm wanting to learn more about.

I want to be fit, strong, lean, and mentally tough! ... okay so I want to look a bit musclely too!

This is my second round of the 12WBT. The last one finished just a few weeks ago. In those 12 weeks I achieved dropping 5.2 kg whilst increasing my fitness, learning about meal and snack portion sizes, and cooking up some delicious (and not so delicious) meals. There were ups and downs. I knew at the start it was going to be a challenge, and I was right. For me, rules are meant to be broken. Don't tell me I can't have something. Don't control me. This all manifested into a return of binge-bulimic eating cycles, usually at night, and usually (but not always) when I was home alone. I am ashamed and little pissed about this now, I feel like I cheated my fellow 12WBT'ers, but more importantly I cheated myself. I took the easy option. I binged on food I was'nt allowed to have. Food others had control over. And you know what? For nothing. The weeks I had the least control, when I binged- and lets put it bluntly, vomited up the demon food and then some, were the weeks I put on weight, or at best stayed the same. And the weeks I was clean but still had the occasional treat, well those were my best weight losses! God darn it.

So, this round is all about getting back in control.

I'm now 67.2 kg. My BMI is within the healhty range. Now lets set the path to dropping a few more kilo's, cleaning up the eating and nutrition, and strengthening the mind!